Can't Sleep

So, last night I tried going to bed early (10pm) and failed. I did go to bed, however I tossed and turned the entire night and got very little sleep. Tonight is the complete oposite. One would think that I would be so tired from not getting much sleep the night before that I would just fall into an amazing slumber once my head hit the pillow. Not so much. I am very much awake (yet very much tired), but this brain of my mine is once again not turning off and I am left to my own. So, I have decided to write my thoughts. Probably very jumbled, but it is almost 1am and this is what is left. A pile of mish mash things and spilling out onto the computer. I need to keep a pad of paper by my bed, because i swear right before i fall asleep i get the most inspiring things (sometimes not the nicest) and quotes that i really need to start writting. I have so much to say and it always seems to come to me as I lie in my bed wishing for sleep to come faster.
Why is it that I want to sleep my issues/sadness/life away? Because even my dreams feel like reality lately. It's really driving me nuts. The other night I had a dream that I ran into Reid at a church I was visiting. Super weird. I haven't thought about him seriously in such a long time. It totally threw me for a loop. Then last night I think I had another one with the oh so wonderful broke my heart ex and his sister. That always brightens your day when you wake up to those and realize that it was a dream (or in last nights case, thankful). Really tired of dreams that feel like reality and then when you wake up you have to face the harsh reality of life and you actually are kind of longing for your dream, cause at least it was a little nicer and there was hope. There is no hope in my reality.
I held on to a false hope for awhile. Wishing and praying that things would have and might end up being different. But then that started drifting further out and now the pain of it has really settled and i hate it. I hate feeling like crap and I hate not having friends to help me. Lately it seems like all my friends have disappeared. They were friends for a short while and then when life got too busy or maybe hard they left. I'm waiting for the day when I can find true friends who won't wait for me to make a phone call or have everything planned out. Why can't I have some good, caring, loving friends? I feel like I've gone my whole life with crappy friends and I'm pretty much sick of it. I'm tired of being the one who puts all the effort into it. Friendship is not a one way street. And yet i keep finding the ones who think that. Maybe I need a criteria.
- not married
- lives in washington
- doesn't mind my craziness
- doesn't view friendship as something that they only benefit from.
- will put up with me through the crap and the not so crappy
(melinda you are the only one who has stayed with me - 20 years friend, lets make it 20 more! You are awesome and I can't wait for the week you are home)
I'm finding true friends hard to come by these days.
God what is the lesson you are continuely trying to teach me with crappy friends and ending relationships. The lesson of tearing people out of my life, I'm not a fan and I don't understand why it keeps happening? Please give me a little light on the reason. It has happened way too much and it hurts Lord and I'm tired of being stepped on, forgotten about and pushed to the side. Please help Lord.
And with that ranting, pleading and spilling of the heart I'm hopefully half way off to dream land....
Good night.....

The Car Saga

So, last Sunday I came home from hanging out with my friends and decided to park my car on the street instead of in the driveway because 1. my parents were having people over and 2. I didn't want to get stuck cause I was going to be leaving in the next hour. So, I park, get out, and go inside. The next thing I know my dad comes running into the computer room and tells me to grab my keys, license and registration.....my car rolled down the hill. WHAT? I was SO confused. Why is my car down the hill and why do I need my license and registration?

WELL...apparently my car hasn't had enough adventure in the past 4 months and rolled down the hill into a ladies yard at the bottom. SERIOUSLY! I mean I got in an accident in July do I really need another one to add to my record? I guess so.

So, anyway, the lady whose yard my car had rolled into called the cops, since well, there was a car there and it wasn't hers. (i probably would have done the same) The cop came knocking on our door to ask and see if we knew whose it was or if it was ours. ("yes, officer that is my car" - stupid and pissed off look on face) So, my car took out a nice large pile of rocks and half of a hedge. Thankfully, no one was hurt, no one was given a ticket and no other cars were hit. THANK YOU LORD!

So, the pile of rocks were put back to where they belonged, I drove the car back up the hill and everything was grand....not so much. The putting the rocks back and driving up the hill is true, everything grand not so true. I called my mechanic who came over on Monday and said, "sorry, not so drivable, we will get this looked at." As of wednesday I was told the damages and as of today it is now back home, safe and sound with the bank account of the owner hearing echo's of what used to be money. But...I have my car.

The positive side: No one was hurt, no other cars were hit, and I now know how to properly park a manual car on a hill.

Negative: I am broke

Positive: God is teaching me a lesson....I just don't know what it is yet. :)

My cute new Hair

Not the greatest picture I have ever taken but it gets the job done to show off my cute new hair.

How to Weaken Pride and Cultivate Humility

Here are a list of suggestions from the book I just finished - Humility True Greatness by C.J. Mahaney.
He ends his book with these last two pages to give you a once over of what you just read in a very condenced way. This list is awesome and something that I am going to try and practice from now on. (Only with the Lord's Help :) )

Always:
1. Reflect on the wonder of the cross of Christ

As Each Day Begins:
2. Begin your day by acknowledging your dependence upon God and your need for God.
3. Begin your day by expressing gratefulness to God
4. Practice the spiritual disciplines -prayer, study of God's Word, worship. Do this consistently each day and at the days's outset, if possible.
5. Seize your commute time to memorize and meditate on Scripture.
6. Cast your cares upon Him, for He cares for you.

As Each Day Ends:
7. At the end of the day, transfer glory to God.
8. Before going to sleep, receive this gift of sleep from God and acknowledge His purpose for sleep.

For Special Focus:
9. Study the attributes of God.
10. Study the doctrines of grace.
11. Study the doctrine of sin.
12. (play golf as much as possible) - probably won't be doing that one.
13. Laugh often, and laugh often at yourself.

Throughout Your Days and Weeks:
14. Identify evidences of grace in others.
15. Encourage and serve others each and every day.
16. Invite and pursue correction. (yikes)
17. Respond humbly to trials.

Hope you are encouraged (and scared) and much as I am

Another one :)

I have a new nephew!

Rowen Daniel Patterson

Born to Kyle and Paige
Date: Sept 29, 09 (11:55pm - just made it)
Weight: 8lbs 1oz
Length: 20in

This brings the number of nieces and nephews up to 10 - oh my goodness family stop procreating :)
They apparently take the commandment "Be fruitful and multiply," very seriously. LOL, no it's great having all of them around. I love being the cool auntie.

School has started...

So, after taking the summer off I officially feel retarded as I try to learn more sign language. I have lost so much because I haven't practiced or done much of anything when it comes to ASL. High gear from now on...hitting the ground at full speed...God help me

Last class I learned something super awesome which I was so excited about and has put me on the course for finishing my ASL Interpreter program in 2-3 years. (That is if I can make my hands and brain move fast enough)
My prof is quitting at the end of this school year, but before he does he will go on to teach ASL 3 and 4 (which is very rare)....AND then prof's from Seattle Central CC will come down to Pierce and teach ASL 5/6 next summer (first time ever), that way people who want and need to can go straight into the interpreter program next fall at SCCC.....SWEET!! I am so excited! This totally puts my life in line and on a clear path, Thank you Lord!

I had somewhat been stressing about ASL 4-6 since I have to have it before I go on to my program, and I knew that Pierce doesn't always have them offered, but after that class I went home so excited and thankful that that is what is going on and I will be able to have it all done. So, next fall....SEATTLE HERE I COME!

It's amazing what happens when you truely start putting your faith in the Lord and say, "Your will be done." Even though it is so difficult sometimes, I'm so blessed and thankful when I give up control. Lately I feel like I have been doing that more and more and I have found so much more freedom in that. Little things like my school working out is one more of those little victories. Yeah God

The Challenge

So, last summer my mom challenged me to lose 20lbs and she would buy me new clothes. For some odd reason that wasn't motivation enough and I didn't do it.
A couple days ago I brought up the challenge to her again. She said yes and so as of this moment I have 3 months to lose 15-20 lbs. I'm a little nervous, but very excited. Hopefully I can do it.

The Plan:
Join Weight Watchers
Start walking/running
Have others encourage and help along the way
Eat healthier
Pray!

Dec 27th:
New Body
New Attitude
Better Me!